Mugshot Cinema: Cher is accused of starring in what’s possibly the best rom-com of all time while slapping the hell out of an equally incredible Nic Cage.

Mugshot Cinema: Cher is accused of lusting after a disgusting, devilish Jack Nicholson along with two of the other most gorgeous women of the ‘80s.

Mugshot Cinema: Cher is accused of being the only good part of a sappy, weepy melodrama about a kid with a really weird looking face.

Mugshot Cinema: Cher is accused of being best friends with a plutonium fuel plant whistleblower and being way too involved in her friend’s love life.

Mugshot Cinema: Cher is accused of having “the biggest pair of melons in the whole goddamn state of Texas.”